Ending a relationship is never easy, especially when the relationship is emotionally abusive. Assaulters often isolate, control, and harm the victims psychologically, making them feel guilty and often physically harming them, making it difficult for them to find the strength to leave. Deciding to leave a relationship is a big decision, and there are many things you can do to seek help.

This is a personal and practical guide to help you find ways to keep yourself and your children safe, including identifying a safe place to go and planning your exit if you need to leave immediately.

Research and Prepare: 

Research and planning are crucial when deciding to separate or divorce. You need to find a safe place and make sure you have enough money to last you until you get back on your feet.

In an abusive or controlling relationship, the abuser usually controls all the money. You may decide to deposit small amounts of money each week or open a separate bank account.

One of the organizations below will be able to explain your financial options and lifestyle plans to you. You may be eligible for emergency assistance or temporary accommodation and may be entitled to certain benefits. You still have the right to receive alimony payments from your former partner.

You should take everything you need with you, including important documents, to avoid your belongings being returned when you leave. If possible, you should take your children with you to avoid problems later.

Support Network:

Abusers strive hard to isolate their victims from their friends and family, making it difficult for them to recognize the abuse and increasing their reliance on the perpetrator. Wherever feasible, try to find someone to confide in, whether it’s a friend, family member, or neighbor, and expand your support network.

How to Protect Yourself After Leaving

• Tell your family and friends what’s going on, not only for support but also so they don’t accidentally share information with your ex. They will also be better prepared to help you in an emergency.
• Get a new phone number.
• Contact a family law attorney about any of the above court orders
• Change bank accounts and credit cards, especially if those things are happening
• Change your routine as much as possible
• If you think your abuser will contact you from work, you may consider telling your employer or other staff at work.
• Explain the situation to your child’s school and find out who will pick them up from school in the future. Explain that you do not want them to give the child to someone else.

This can sometimes be difficult if the abuser has parental responsibility because the school cannot legally stop the parent from taking the child without a court order.